Okay, before I go off on this zeitgeist, imagine this: me and a hundred monkeys, like these fellas here, in my canoe, all fighting over control of the paddles... You know, sometimes it's just not clear whose steering my canoe...
Oh, what a week I've had! I've been faced with challenges that I won't go into here, but suffice it to say, it has definitely steered my canoe to today's topic: emotional poise.
Emotional poise is what I consider to be one of the "biggies" of the conditions of optimum health, yet it is one of the less-defined, or should I say, less universally specific conditions of health. Each of us has our own unique challenges when it comes to emotional poise.
In general, emotional poise deals with the way we respond to stressors in our lives and the amount and type of energy we bring to life's challenges. In a nutshell, it deals with one's mental/emotional outlook.
For a long time, I believed that emotional poise was more or less an outcome of healthful living, and to a certain extent it is: Doing all the right outward things that lead to health--eating right, exercising, getting fresh air, sunshine, sleep, etc.--somehow do naturally lead to a more serene inner life. But then, I had a lightbulb moment. It occurred to me that the achievement of emotional poise is also an "end" in itself. It doesn't just magically happen as a consequence of healthful living, it is one of the oh-so-critical steps to achieving health. That is, just as I set aside time each day to plan my meals and exercise, I must also make time to hone my skills for handling stress and other mental/emotional aspects of my life.
In fact, I will go so far as to say that I have an obligation to bring the healthiest emotional "me" to everything I do.
I cringe when I think about the amount of time and energy I've wasted thinking the worst of myself and the burden it has put on myself (and others). I mean, what right did I have complaining to everyone around me about my unshapely thighs?? Or that I thought my boss was picking on me? Or ungraciously rejecting a compliment? Or--my specialty--subtly putting a damper on a potentially great time because I felt self-conscious in that particular situation?
If I had had a better handle on emotional poise, I would have realized that I had an absolute obligation to bring my supreme best to every situation I found myself in, and that by doing so, I could have effected much healthier and happier outcomes for all concerned.
Oh, believe me, I 'm still working on this one! But I'm seeing more clearly that I have complete control over the monkeys on my back. In fact, I'm just now realizing that I'm the one who put them there! Consequently, only "I" can turn circumstances around and work those monkeys to healthy advantage at every moment.
Not only that--and I'm going out on a limb here--I've come to the conclusion that it is everyone's duty to get whatever help they need to correct their shortcomings the moment they rear themselves. For example, if my poor body image is a roadblock to living the life I'm meant to live, then I should face it head-on and throw all my efforts to correcting it, so that it's no longer a barrier to my living fully and authentically.
Likewise, if I harbor resentments against people I believe are inhibiting my functioning fully, then I have to get at the bottom of it as quickly as I can, calling upon whatever resources are available to put a more positive, constructive bent on those relationships. Just as I throw myself (and my available resources) into discovering the best workout routine for my body type, and learning about the optimum diet, so, too, should I bring the same urgency and commitment to better handling my emotional stressors. For the sake of my health and the sanity of others, I am duty-bound to get those monkeys off my back. Well...at least get them to settle down so my canoe doesn't flip over...
To that end, I am currently re-reading a book, entitled "Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy," by David D. Burns, MD (published in 1980, but recently reprinted). Dr. Burns, one of the developers of cognitive therapy, offers this very simple suggestion: Whenever you feel your mood shift into negativity, reflect back to the thoughts just prior to the shift and examine what you just mentality "said" to yourself. Dr. Burns contends that you'll find that it's not what just happened, but what you told yourself about what just happened, that caused your mood to shift into negativity. It's the defeatist spin you put on the thought or event that makes you feel out of control.
Today, for instance, I am faced with having to dispute a bill I just received, that is two years old and is completely incorrect (involving $1000). So, when the thought of it popped into my head this morning, I immediately felt the impatience and, yes, rage, welling up in me. My emotions told me to respond this way, and they threatened to make for a very tense morning. But upon reflection, I asked myself why I chose to react impatiently and ragefully? It's just a mistake, after all, and if I turn off the negativity tape that's playing in my head, I'll be able to bring the best "me" to the situation to effect a constructive, happy outcome. Intellectually, I know all will be well. It's just one of those lousy emotional monkeys rearing itself and attempting to finagle control...(hmmm, sorry if I'm mixing metaphors here!)
But not today! From here forward, I am going to do my best to take each monkey as it comes, and one by one, I'm going to knock him out of commission, cos it's getting awfully crowded in my little ol' canoe. Can't you just see it? Me and a hundred monkeys in this poor little canoe, all trying to wrest control of MY paddles (LOL)!!
I know I'll never get these blasted monkeys off my canoe, but I now realize that I have an obligation to do whatever it takes to hang on to the paddles!
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